1) Once, I met a guy who torrented freeware.
I torrented iTunes because I couldn't afford the real thing!
(iTunes is Freeware, You're Behind)
2) One time, this guy got really B.S.ey on me.
Me: Okay, okay, I get your point. Can you please stop it?
Him: No you don't get it. See, you people seem to think that...
Friend: Douche, Shut Up! We've had enough.
Him: I'm no douche. He's an idiot!
Me: No you're the idiot. How many fingers am I holding up?
Him: *Squints* THREE.
Me: No there's two behind that.
Him: Pssh
Me: What's the square root of pi squared.
Him: That's impossible. Pi's not a real number.
Me: Actually, it's pi squared, and the answer is pi.
Friend: PWND!
Him: Oh what now? Should I go 'round and 'round saying "I'm a douche, I'm a douche"
Random Walker: ...Yeah you are a douche...
3) I'm a fan of the Simpsons. Remember that episode where Ralph Wiggums runs for President? They ask him "What's your take on illegal immigration?" and he says "Stranger Danger.
4) This asshole was trying to tell this girl that he thought we (the girl and me) were in a relationship. So he's trying and trying to prove it to her and he finally comes up with an analogy.
(That was to the girl, not me)
5) I once read the health warning for some sleeping pills. It said "WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS" Yeah you know what? MAY cause drowsiness? First of all, that's a no brainer, and second, I'm not buying them. I want SLEEPING PILLS not MAY CAUSE SLEEPING PILLS. How about you?
You're Edward. He's Bella.
Lost some of my formating... =[
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